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Hello everybuddy >v>)/

This is a very personal journal, feel free to ignore it if you don't feel like reading it.

Ever since I left my job (about 5 months ago) I started working out and exercising more because my mom won't shut up about it and need to do something in order to keep my life at peace because I'm very worried about my health.

I started by going to the gym (running, walking, stretching,lifting some very light weights, the basics so I wouldn't harm myself). However, I've never liked going to the gym, I hated being there, all those walls built around me, the equipment, idk--- Something didn't feel right there. And this is basically the main reason why I started swimming.

Today I went to the gym, I greeted the only guy in there, doing some exercises on the treadmill, he left 10 minutes after I started working out though. And here is the thing; after I had finished my business there, I felt VERY HAPPY about myself, my mood was lifted and everything seemed great about that gym.
On my way back, I started wondering why today was different, maybe it was just my mood, by any chance...? No, it couldn't be, there were times I went to gym with such a great mood and left that hell feeling a lot worse.
And that's how I've come to notice about how bad my paranoia is. ever since puberty hit me, I've been developing a paranoia about people and their thoughts; whenever I go to a new place (filled with strangers) I feel terribly judged. Even though they don't do absolutely /anything/ to show any sort or anger or hatred against me, my imagination creates a whole hell in my mind; all I hear in my head is "who does she think she is?", "she is so ridiculous", and so on.
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate people. I'd rather say I'm scared of most of them. I just have a terrible time getting to know them irl (for some reason, I feel a lot safer when I meet people on the internet).
In the end, I've never hated the gym itself, everything was in my mind. I just created this very uncomfortable atmosphere and God knows why;;;.

I'm very paranoiac when it comes to social experiences. I despise the thought of being hated or being a burden to someone and that's why I end up doing extra work sometimes, I'm just stupid please bear with me :iconpapmingplz:
I really try very hard not to care about other people's thoughts, and trust me, it's nearly impossible to me. :iconlazycryplz:
I'm slowly growing stronger as I mature, but for now, I'll just try to block my paranoia welp I'm gonna try my best, let's just wish for the best.

This is probably why I don't aim for being popular or famous. I mean, most people do their best to gain recognition and fame; I just don't think I'd be able to take all the hate that comes along with the love. pfft as if I'd ever be popular---

And now is the time when I interact with you! Hooorray!
Have you ever felt like that? Do you do anything to fight against this feeling?
Hello everybuddy >v>)/

This is a very personal journal, feel free to ignore it if you don't feel like reading it.

Ever since I left my job (about 5 months ago) I started working out and exercising more because my mom won't shut up about it and need to do something in order to keep my life at peace because I'm very worried about my health.

I started by going to the gym (running, walking, stretching,lifting some very light weights, the basics so I wouldn't harm myself). However, I've never liked going to the gym, I hated being there, all those walls built around me, the equipment, idk--- Something didn't feel right there. And this is basically the main reason why I started swimming.

Today I went to the gym, I greeted the only guy in there, doing some exercises on the treadmill, he left 10 minutes after I started working out though. And here is the thing; after I had finished my business there, I felt VERY HAPPY about myself, my mood was lifted and everything seemed great about that gym.
On my way back, I started wondering why today was different, maybe it was just my mood, by any chance...? No, it couldn't be, there were times I went to gym with such a great mood and left that hell feeling a lot worse.
And that's how I've come to notice about how bad my paranoia is. ever since puberty hit me, I've been developing a paranoia about people and their thoughts; whenever I go to a new place (filled with strangers) I feel terribly judged. Even though they don't do absolutely /anything/ to show any sort or anger or hatred against me, my imagination creates a whole hell in my mind; all I hear in my head is "who does she think she is?", "she is so ridiculous", and so on.
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate people. I'd rather say I'm scared of most of them. I just have a terrible time getting to know them irl (for some reason, I feel a lot safer when I meet people on the internet).
In the end, I've never hated the gym itself, everything was in my mind. I just created this very uncomfortable atmosphere and God knows why;;;.

I'm very paranoiac when it comes to social experiences. I despise the thought of being hated or being a burden to someone and that's why I end up doing extra work sometimes, I'm just stupid please bear with me :iconpapmingplz:
I really try very hard not to care about other people's thoughts, and trust me, it's nearly impossible to me. :iconlazycryplz:
I'm slowly growing stronger as I mature, but for now, I'll just try to block my paranoia welp I'm gonna try my best, let's just wish for the best.

This is probably why I don't aim for being popular or famous. I mean, most people do their best to gain recognition and fame; I just don't think I'd be able to take all the hate that comes along with the love. pfft as if I'd ever be popular---

And now is the time when I interact with you! Hooorray!
Have you ever felt like that? Do you do anything to fight against this feeling?

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naomicchi-desu
Naomicchi
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Brazil
Plain brazilian asian girl who wants to live a shoujo manga life //orz have some takoyaki

3DS friend code: 1907-8939-9540

:new: Commissions are OPEN: fav.me/d7l51oo
:new: Fundraiser Commissions are OPEN: fav.me/d7lxoba

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Comments


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:iconsternenmelodie:
Sternenmelodie Featured By Owner 22 hours ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the watch! I really appreciate that! :heart:Kokonose Haruka (Comfort) [V11] by Jerikuto
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconteasomething:
teasomething Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you for the watch! 
:iconblushplz:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmanami-chi:
Manami-chi Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks for the fav ! XD
Reply
:iconusarin:
usarin Featured By Owner 5 days ago  New member
thank you so much for the watch!!:iconblushuplz:///////
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmiu-ne:
miu-ne Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2014
thanks for the llama!!!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconrigune:
Rigune Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2014
Hello! Thanks for the watch! ; v ; )b
Have a super fab day <33
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconautumncrazed:
AutumnCrazed Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2014  Hobbyist

Trying to raise points for a friend :heart:

I’m currently featuring art on my journal for points

One feature=80pts

My journals stay up for at least a week but I can lengthen that time.

I have gotten up to 60-96pagviews a day and am watched by 304people

If you’d be interested let me know~!

Referrals appreciated :love:

Reply
:iconluna98980:
Luna98980 Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2014
thank you for the badge :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconvoddas:
Voddas Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the Llama!! :D
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(1 Reply)
:iconsaigonka:
saigonka Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014
thank you so, so much for watch!
your support means a lot! ♥
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(1 Reply)
:iconmusic-luver-2010:
music-luver-2010 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014
Thanx for the llama!!
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(1 Reply)
:iconilovemusic17:
ILoveMusic17 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the llama :)
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(1 Reply)
:iconeleqant:
Eleqant Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
Reply
:icongabi-ty:
gabi-ty Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014
thank you so much for the llama!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsoulredness:
SoulRedness Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014  Student General Artist
thx so much :3
Reply
(1 Reply)
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